Submission in Christian Marriage

I have two daughters who are of the marrying age so to speak. One of their concerns is the scripture in Ephesians:

5:17 Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, 20 giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another in the fear of God.
Marriage--Christ and the Church
(cf. Col. 3:18, 19)
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, [fn5] of His flesh and of His bones. 31 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

As you see above, most people who like to put topic headings in the Bible, start the "Marriage, Christ, and the Church" heading at verse 22. I personally like to start it at verse 17. For verse 17 is a crucial key to successful Christian marriage. Notice that Paul instructs the believer to first be filled with the Holy Spirit. A believer who is not filled with the Holy Spirit cannot fulfill the rest of the chapter. Next we see in verse 21 that all believers are to be submitted to one another in the fear of God. That means that as fellow believers, the husband and wife are to be submitted to one another. OOPS. Most preachers leave that little tidbit off when they're doing marital counseling. Following those instructions, Paul then tells the spouse to be submitted to the husband as to Christ. Then the husband is charged to love, give himself, cleanse her, nourish and cherish her.

Unfortunately too many have the idea that submission means you become a door mat. But not in the Kingdom of God. Jesus taught what Christian Leadership is to look like in Matthew 20:

25 But Jesus called them to Himself and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. 26 Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. 27 And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave-- 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."

For the world, leadership = domination
For the church, leadership = servanthood

I imagine the Christian divorce rate would be a lot lower if this idea of mutual servanthood were emphasized. Unfortuantely again, many marriages are based on the narcissitic view that "my" needs are more important than my spouse's needs.

I think this will be a test on the "asking one of my daughters to marry" quiz.