Still Fighting

Just a quick entry to let anyone interested know that my beloved is going through course after course of chemo. She is such an inspiration to me, always keeping her faith and trusting in the Lord for her healing in spite of the pain and side effects. I confess that I have struggled at times, but with the help of the Holy Spirit we're going to continue to fight on. God bless you and please pray for her.

Hope in Christ in the midst of cancer

It's been almost two months since the last post. We were not able to have surgery and then were unable to have a promising radiation treatment. My beloved has started chemo and finished two rounds of that. We were able to go to church Sunday and stay for the whole service for the first time in months. It was a good time and emotional at times. People ask how you're doing, and you can't really say because you have a breakdown. But they mean well and we appreciate it. God has provided for us with good insurance for health and disability. Thank you Lord. Our children, who are close to graduating from college are just the best. They wanted to drop out of school, but we wouldn't allow it. They and we have worked so hard to get where they are. In a couple of months our oldest will move back home to help out and to be here with her mom. I selfishly am glad, but don't want them to stop living their lives. I also can't refuse them to be here. Our youngest had wanted to go on the mission field, but won't do that right now. Again, selfishly I am glad that they will be around. I was overseas when my father died and I know that I wish I could have been there. But it wasn't possible. God continues to encourage us. We are hopeful for another new therapy that has been helpful with my wife's type of cancer (hilar cholangiocarcinoma, or cancer of the bile ducts in the liver). There is no cure but it can be slowed. We have also learned that by modification of diet, you can also slow things. We still pray for a direct healing miracle. Our hope is in Christ.

Cancer Hits Home

This summer has been quite busy and has ended with a dreaded diagnosis for my beloved wife, who is also my best friend. She was diagnosed with a form of liver cancer. That was devastating news for us. Yet I know that thousands, or even millions hear those words every year. Then a second blow, it was inoperable and had spread (with color photos to punch home the point). Yet through it all, I've not felt the need to ask God "Why?" I suppose that is because, having read through Job a few times, I know that He knows why and I don't really need to know why. We've had a lot of wonderful support from our Christian family. I've had some startling discoveries. (OK, I was given the book "Same Kind of Different As Me." A very good book about reaching out to people who seem unreachable." In the book, I read that the very renown surgeon we were referred to, saw the heroine of the story, and had to give her bad news. The same surgeon also had to give us bad news. {just so he doesn't get a bad rap here, he is a remarkable physician who has been able to give great news to many thousands of people over the years, I thought about how hard it must be though for him to give bad news on many occasions. He cared and offered us his assistance in the future for what he COULD do.}) As a counselor, I often try to focus people on what they can do, not what they can't do. Anyway, lest it seem as though I've been some sort of emotionless observer, I have cried a lot, in fact, one day I didn't know if I would stop. I've actually been nauseated at the dire possibilities that sometimes creep into my consciousness. I had to turn around and tell our daughters in plain language the bad news. They're understandably devastated as well, but supportive. Now, after three hospitalizations, tubes to drain the liver placed and replaced three times, daily irrigations, dressing changes, tiredness and constant pain, we're looking at radioactive pharmaceuticals, radiation therapy and then chemotherapy. We haven't been able to go to church because of the fatigue, and for my part I couldn't deal with the emotions of telling the story over and over. This Sunday we hope to go to worship, even though we may have to leave early. My wife has been strong through it all, yes crying a lot, but positive none the less. Stronger than I, and firm in her trust of God to work out the best possible outcome. Bad things happen in this world, but God through Christ has overcome them all through His resurrection, so if we have hope in nothing else than the resurrection, we have the greatest hope of all. I thank all of those who are praying and bringing food to the house (it is hard to accept these acts of love, but in some other reading, I learned that we should accept the love shown us by the Church as these acts of grace are how people do get to show the love of God that they want so much to show.)

The Blind Son of Timaeus

In the sermon today, pastor taught about "Blind Bartimaeus." We toss that name off quite easily. It is actually Bar Timaeus, son of Timaeus. Elsewhere in the chapter (Mark 10) he is referred to as "the blind man".

So we have this blind man who is only known by his father's name. Who are you? I'm the son of Timaios (greek transliteration). Timaios meaning: either "highly prized" (gr) or "ethically challenged" (Aramaic). So what? What's in a name? Bar Timaeus, or "the blind guy". I suppose names have a lot to do with our own identity. Bar Timaeus would refer others to his "highly prized" father. It was perhaps the one point of dignity left to a man who was reduced to begging for a living. "I'm not important enough to have a name, but my dad was."

Sitting on the ground in beggars clothes, he hears that Jesus is coming by. What had he heard? Jesus (the fame of him went throughout all the region). Hey Jesus! Have mercy on me. Hey Jesus! Nobody pays attention to me, I'm just "the blind beggar guy." "Shut up blind beggar guy, we want to hear what Jesus is saying!" "Hey Jesus!" He screams even louder, more insistent, "have mercy on me!"

It's enough, Jesus stops and says "bring that loud guy over here."

The crowd says "hey blind beggar guy, get happy and get up, Jesus has called you."

"what do you want", Jesus asks. Blind beggar guy says "I want to see." He gets his vision and follows Jesus down the road.

What is the lesson? Oh I suppose there's a thousand of them. A thousand or a hundred thousand, forever known as Blind Bartemaeus. A story of hope for the hopeless, sight to the blind, significance for the insignificant.

A certain man, lame from his mother's womb (Acts 3:2). No name, just a beggar with a need. Beggars- it would be easy to say we're all beggars in need of a savior, and we are.

You can find a message in there for you. Maybe it's not so important who you are, what you or others call you, or who your daddy was, but just what you do when Jesus comes by.

Jesus, Son of David, Have Mercy on Me.

Clinica Pena de Horeb, Cardenas Mexico

I found out yesterday that the missionaries who were managing the clinic have left the mission field. Please be in prayer for them. I realize that is a generic request, but I think it is best to leave it that way. The Holy Spirit knows what their needs are. When I left Mexico, I hadn't anticipated such a turn of events, and was expecting a news letter. I never received one. With the connection to the clinic lost, I was concerned that I might not be able to get reconnected. I would like to return sometime to help with the campaigns. Fortunately, I was able to find a phone number on the internet for one of the board members I had the extreme pleasure to get to meet while there. Richard from San Antonio. I called him last night. It was one of those "Uh, I'm calling for the Richard who was in Mexico in Chiapas in January and February, I'm {Sergeant Theophilus, obviously a pseudonym} and I was in Mexico with you at the end of January. Do I have the right person?" Well, praise the Lord, I reached the correct Richard on the first call. He brought me up to date on the ministry. He did say they were looking for a fulltime missionary couple to take on the responsibility of day to day management.. He also said that they'd been doing it for 15 years without a missionary, so the work would go on. He said he's been back a couple of times and told me details of those visits. He gave me his contact info and that of a person in my community who I also met while there. I was just so glad and so relieved to get in touch. Hopefully, perhaps in the fall I can go back. At least though I can help out through prayer and giving to help this work. I think about Chiapas and the people there a lot. I told my daughter about this and she asked "are you going to go to be the missionaries there?" The answer is no, I don't see that as a possibility. But then I never say never, because I've learned over the years that God ignores our nevers.

I'm enrolling in a conversational Spanish course that a couple is going to be teaching at church one night a week. My Espanol is muy malo y mas pequeno, so if I want to minister from time to time there, I really need to get my skills up. I think this class will be a small step on the road to being more effective in that role. Yo queciro cambiar algun dollars por pesos. Muchas Gracias Senor. See what I mean.

Like Sheep Having No Shepherd

Here's a challenge. What do you do as a believer when everything is going wrong. I am in a position to mentor a young Christian who's been saved and filled with the Holy Spirit now for a couple of years. At first things went very well, the freshness of the new birth was exhilarating. But then problems crept in, jobs were lost, bills couldn't be paid, no Christmas for the kids, into a homeless shelter. What about "I've never seen the righteous forsaken nor their seed begging for bread." Yet here it is. A blind beggar cries out in the streets of Jericho "Son of David, Have mercy on me!". What is going on? What do you say? "I don't have any answers, but I know a God who knows the end from the beginning and who holds this young man's life in his hands. What do I say? Just that. And perhaps this is how God is teaching your children that you have faith and don't give up, don't become bitter as your father did and never shared his salvation with you. What about grace and mercy Theophilus? It's there, I hold on to that even when I can't see it, even when it's years into the future. Hold on when you're in the pit and in Pharaoh's prison. Don't lose heart, don't stop praying even though the heavens seem as brass. At the appointed time (KAIROS) (in due season) we shall reap if we faint not. The mark of a Christian is not that we don't fall down, it is that we get up, and continue getting up as many times as it takes.
Matthew 9:36 But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd. 37 Then He said to His disciples, "The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few. 38 Therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest."

I think the laborer is me. I've been charged to feed His sheep and tend His lambs. I can't do it. But He can through me.

Grace In The Passover

Have you ever noticed that when God instituted the Passover, the only thing the Israelites had to do was to be obedient to sacrifice the Lamb and apply the blood to their door posts and lintle. That was all that was required for the death angel to pass over (I believe the death angel was Abbadon/Apollyon although the word shachath {Strongs H7843} is used for destroyer in Ex 12:23). The aside aside, the Israelites had nothing else they had to present to avoid destruction except the blood of the lamb. They didn't have to show their faith in any other fashion. They didn't have to crawl backwards up a high mountain. They didn't have to walk through the streets beating themselves with whips. They didn't have to hang themselves from trees, suspended with ropes tied to bamboo needles thrust through their breasts. All they had to do was trust in the blood of a lamb. I thought of this as I took communion this past Sunday. Communion really symbolizes that Jesus is all we need. Sure we should show our faith by our good works, but for our salvation, all we need is the blood of the Lamb of God Who takes away the sin of the world.

One Starfish at a Time

I was blessed over the past week to be a (small) part of a medical mission opthamology team to provide eye surgery to some of the most most poverty stricken people I have ever encountered. I have been in about ten countries in my life, and the living standards of the indigenous peoples we were ministering to are among the worst I've seen anywhere. It was a moving time. To the left, you'll see a picture of three team members giving pre-operative medications to one of the people who came to the campaign. There were over one hundred surgeries completed. Mostly these were cataract surgeries, but there were also some other procedures done to correct strabissmus (cross eye) in some children. Our fellow volunteers included 4 American opthamologists and one Mexican opthamologist. Some of the patients live two hours away in small villages in the mountains of Southern Mexico. They started arriving Thursday evening, the day before surgeries were scheduled. Unfortunately bad weather in Houston delayed all of the physicians from getting there until late Friday, so we got off to a very late start. The patients slept on the ground outside the clinic waiting for the next day to start, some would wait for two days to get their surgeries. While they were waiting, Mexican evangelists would come and preach the gospel. We know of about 20 who were saved.
The Lord had me read Matthew 25:40: And the King will answer and say to them, 'Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.' I cried as I read that scripture portion. The Lord seemed to be telling me that as I ministered to these poverty sticken people, it was the same as ministering to Him.
We also traveled to visit an orphanage. It was a blessing to see how well the children were cared for in this particular orphanage, especially after hearing some of the stories of how they had been severely abused and abandoned.

The needs in Mexico seem overwhelming to me. Flying over Mexico City reminded me that there are millions of unreached and unsaved in that and other major cities of the world. There are many many orphans and abused children, many many elderly without any rudimentary health care. I was remined of the story of a man walking along the shore tossing starfish back into the ocean that had washed up on the tide. As you've heard, he was approached by a skeptic who chided him that the task was just too great and he couldn't make any difference, to which the man replied, "It made a difference to THAT starfish." We can only do what we are called and can do. I have a few skills and occasionally the means to go to Mexico to help these "Starfish".

Mission Trip

I am leaving on a mission trip to another country in a couple of days. My challenge has been to try to relax and let the Lord be in charge. I am not the team leader, but I have all these concerns about details such as having phone numbers, getting boarding passes printed etc., that our team leader is really not overly concerned about. I guess it shows me that I'm a little bit OC. I prepacked my bags a couple of days in advance as we're trying to go strictly with carry-on bags. I think it's probably my military training. I am reminded of a recurring dream I have where I'm still in the military and trying to move, but don't have everything I'm supposed to have done. I moved about 11 times in twenty years, not counting numerous temporary assignments. I like to plan everything out in advance, look at maps and pictures where I'm going. To know every detail and have every detail planned out before I leave on the trip. I guess I didn't know how anxious I could get by not being in control of all those details. I am able to relax and let it go, but I'm not totally at ease with it. Our team leader is much younger, and is well traveled. I am sure things will work out if I just put it all in God's hands...AND LEAVE IT THERE. I'll post after I get back. I'm sure it will be a great trip.

"The Crusader Attitude"

Pastor had an excellent message today. He was warning us against being too quick to judge and accuse others. I was challenged. It seems in our highly charged world today it is all too easy to take offense over things that really are of little concern. Pastor spoke of the "Crusader Attitude".
Paying more attention to the imperfections of others than to the perfection of Christ.
Placing the attention on the flaws and faults of others, vs looking for their good points.
Seeking credit by discrediting others.
Circulating rumors through gossip and false and evil speaking.

As this political cycle gets more and more intense, it will be difficult to stay away from "Black and White Thinking." That is, thinking that the opponent is totally evil, or that they're totally good. The news media and political advisers know that this works to great effect. It sells newpapers and attracts viewers to whip everyone into a frenzy about how bad the opposing side is and how we'll all perish if we make the wrong choice. I think we could end up with some really bad decisions if the wrong political party gets into office. But on the other hand, I don't think that the planet will disappear and life as we know it will become non-existent. I don't think the salvation of our nation is in the hands of one or the other political party. As Christians, we have to depend on the grace and mercy of our Lord. That doesn't mean I don't have strongly held beliefs about public policy, I do. But to demonize someone who has different beliefs about public policy is of no value, and only serves to polarize us. There are people who count on that polarization to get our support. Our job as Christians is to keep our heads, to keep as our foundation the idea that we are all sinners who have been saved only by the sacrifice of our Lord Jesus on the cross of Calvary. There is no saving grace in anything else, no politician, no political party, no nation, and no kingdom but the Kingdom of God. I have proudly served my country for over thirty years, I will give no place to anyone regarding my patriotism and love for my country. I have fought for it and put my life on the line for it. But it is not my savior, nor is any man. I choose to trust in the sufficiency of Christ and the providence of God Almighty to keep and save this nation. I will do my best not to make evil judgements and gossipy accusations against those whom I disagree with. I will feel free to defend the Gospel and disagree with policy that is anti-life and anti-Christ. I will try not to denigrate those who disagree with me, but more to challenge their ideas. I will try to stay away from caustic and denigrating blogs and news forums.

Happy New Year

Today being the 1st day of the year, we always think of fresh starts and new beginnings. New Year resolutions and all that. I've never been much of one for that. I did buy myself a copy of Oswald Chamber's "My Utmost For His Highest". I hope to stay with it through the year, but sometimes I get sidetracked or distracted. I have an opportunity to help a medical mission in Southern Mexico. Without going into too much detail. I will be able to go and assist with some medical procedures over a period of three days. I fear somewhat that I'll not be up to the task. I've never done it before. I haven't assisted in any procedures in several years, as my nursing practice is not that type anymore. I don't know if I'll have the stamina to keep up. I have some anxiety about traveling through Mexico with my very poor Spanish language skills. Oh, there are a thousand excuses. But I believe the Holy Spirit gave me a charge from Matthew 16:24-27; you know. "...let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me." So I'm going to the gym to build up my stamina, listening to Spanish on my mp3 player and praying that I'll be a help to the missionaries and to the medical team. My anxieties have been quelled somewhat as our pastor has been teaching about overcoming fears lately (don't you just love God's timing in giving pastors the messages we most need to hear at the time we need to hear them.) If you happen to read this, please pray for those needs listed above. I'm sure it'll all work out and I'll be of help in this mission. God Bless You All.