My Grief Observed

For any who've followed this blog, you would have noted that in my most recent (yes, quite some time back) entry, I spoke of my beloved's cancer. Sadly, the cancer took her life. It has, and in many respects continues to be a difficult time. I have to admit that it hit me hard with regard to my faith, and I'm still sorting all that out. Not the foundation, but the doctrines of healing and relief of suffering. I have been helped by C.S. Lewis's "A Grief Observed". He too experienced the loss of his wife to cancer, and experienced a kind of rage toward God, a fist shaking anger about the injustice of it all, in his mind at least. I identified with Lewis (mind you, if you pick up this book, you have to read it to the end. You absolutely cannot stop before you finish). It seems that this book was actually Lewis's journal in the aftermath of his wife's death. It is a much more real and, to my mind at least, usefull book than "Good Grief". Good Grief is a popular book for chaplains and ministers to hand out, and I used to be one who recommended it, that is until I had to face my own grief. Then I realized how shallow and sterile "Good Grief" is. It ended up in my trash can. In the end, Lewis resolves that there really is no understanding why God would allow his child to suffer and die. It is beyond our understanding. In the end we must come to grips with that fact. There are a lot of other topics in the book, such as the idealizing or setting up a false icon of the dead beloved, Lewis deals with that effectively as well.

Christ My Sustainer

If you follow this blog, you know that I don't post very often lately. I must admit that the on-going battle with cancer my wife is going through has set me back some in my faith. I still believe in a sustaining, grace delivering Christ. I must admit that I have been challenged regarding my beliefs regarding healing somewhat. My beloved is continuing day in and day out believing God for her ultimate healing. Her faith gives me strength. We have not seen total healing, but on the other hand she is doing better the past few months and that no doubt is due in part to her faith and Christ's sustaining. She continues in treatment. we were set back a couple of months as we traveled to a larger metropolis for a clinical trial, but she was never able to meet all the requirements to stay in the trial. Now we are in our home community and she gets treatment every few weeks. The first week is very difficult as the benevolent poison that chemo is, causes pain and fatigue. During those times she is most down, but we work through it as a temporary situation because she then has a couple of weeks of feeling better. We are able to attend worship about twice a month, when she can go and enjoy our fellowship. I give credit to our Lord that she has lived well past the median time when this cancer kills over half it's victims. We have made many lifestyle changes to do all we can to kill the cancer. All glory and praise to God and Christ our healer. Thought I would try to post this YouTube video from a pastor in the Dallas area who is going through cancer treatment. Hope it works: